Jenny =)

Sun, 22 Nov 2009 07:37:49 GMT

I wish you could see that i love you with all my heart and deeply do want to be with you. i also want you to see that i miss you so much and it hurts not seeing you everyday and getting to kiss you and hold you when i want to only when they tell u that u can leave to come home. the only thing that gets me through the day is hanging out with my friends and trying to forget that you left to start your career. i want you to see that i do want to talk to you but i also dont want to be controlled i feel like im on a leash and whatever i say or do makes me get in trouble and that i feel like you cant see that i am sorry for everything that has happened and am trying to please you and help you with trusting me again. i cant stand the fact that whatever i say or do isnt good enough and i just get lectured all the time about what im doing. i know that not everything in the past yet i just wish you could see that even though i want to be with you i also want to be independent and be able to do what i want to do and not check in all the time, i just wish you could trust me when i say im not doing anything stupid and i just you could be here to see that im keeping my word. it hurt getting into fights all the time and putting eachother down and i never feel good anymore. i love you with every thing, its just hard to not argue when we both cant make compromises and just let eachother live and be free with the benifit of having eachother there.

I love you

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 05:13:17 GMT

I feel so alone.
I don't want you to leave =(

=/

Sat, 01 Aug 2009 04:58:11 GMT

what am i getting myself into.
its just finally hitting me that he's leaving.
what am i supposed to do now i feel really empty and all i want to do is sleep.
everythings going wrong all at once.
This fukking sux.
awesome way to start the school year

='(

Wed, 15 Apr 2009 02:43:51 GMT

im scared..

seriously

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 04:03:11 GMT

fuckkkkk youuuuu
ive been working everday.
i dont get to see my friends anymore cus im either working in school sleeping or working out
i feel like i have no life.
me and my parents are at eachothers throats and they are so annoying.
im over tired and exhausted.
and i just want to escape.
i feel bolted to the ground and alone.
i miss my friends,
i feel like i dont talk to anyone anymore.
i miss the old times.
and i feel like im so boring and to serious
how the hell do i lighten up?

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 21:49:19 GMT

Im weak in the knees
and i cant help but cry.

R.I.P

Fri, 13 Mar 2009 04:11:56 GMT

Its really weird on what one person does can affect a million souls.
My best friend heather lives in california.
The last time a saw her was a few years ago.
We hung out for a while with hers and my friend amanda we all got really close.
me and amanda kept a little touch over the years but not enough.

I just found out amanda had shot herself four days ago.
All because she was depressed over a guy.
Drank bleach and shot herself.

Its sad how some things work out.
And how people react to sittuations.
I wish i kept in touch more.
And i wish she was still here because we always talked about hanging out when i went
back to visit cali.

R.I.P
Amanda Cota
sep 6, 1992- march 8, 2009

"Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30"

?

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 04:33:48 GMT

what if i were to die tomorrow.
what would you do?
would you be happy that i was through
or would you mourn for me
and miss the things i do

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 03:08:25 GMT

Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to "Notes" under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions into the body of the note, type your random 25 things, tag 25 people, then click publish.)

1.) I have ocd about cracking my knuckles

2.) Im scared of being alone

3.)I want to be independent but i feel like every time i try i fail because i cant do anything on my own.

4.) I know when to admit when i make a mistake and how to appologize for it

5.) I hate it when people hold stuff against me and try to make me feel guilty even though i still do it to everyone else.

6. I feel as if ive lost most of my friends because of my selfishness and not willing to care anymore, im sorry.

7. ive lost alot of important people in my life and im about to lose one who means that most to me and i hate it.

8. im falling apart.

9. I cant handle things that put me underpressure because i break easily.

10. im the biggest cry baby you will ever meet.

11. i always have to have my way no matter the circumstances, i want to change it but its hard.

12.I care for my family deeply even though i dont show it much.

13.I show my emotions that mean little all the time but i hold the big ones inside untill i callapse.

14. My heart still hurts sometimes, but im sure everyone elses does too.

15. I over think things alot.

16. i Let little things bother me.

17. i just started playing volleyball last year but im determined to be the best one on the team.

18. i constantly have to stay busy to keep my mind off things that matter.

19. i run away to easily and i get straightforward to hardly most the time, doesnt really make sence.

20 im sure im the most confusing girl you would ever meet in your life time

21.I cant stand annoying rude people.

22. i think its immature to physically fight, but i choose to do so anyways.

23. im extremely jealous of alot of things that come my way.

24. I dont have that much self asteem anymore, i like to act like i do but honestly i just feel like shyt most of the time.

25. I like writing and making beautiful art.

bleh

Mon, 09 Feb 2009 02:08:05 GMT

I feel extremely shitty lately.
I dont feel pretty.
I feel sick.
And i just dont feel like anythings real.
I hate going to school cus im to lazy to get up.
I hate doing my school work.
I just want to graduate already and get out.
I barely see my friends cus for some odd reason i just dont want to hang out with them.
I just need a vacation some time to myself out side of florida,
But i kno i wont get that still i start bringin in some dough

Mon, 19 Jan 2009 05:42:59 GMT

Im losing faith in people and im losing faith in myself.
I feel like im diffent

Fri, 26 Dec 2008 06:06:21 GMT

Give me a break.
I'm only 17.

Thu, 25 Dec 2008 05:13:29 GMT

I will never be bale to understand my feelings i have inside, or the way i think.
I wont understand why i put myself through so much complication or why i care so much about other people, and how they act or what someones doing that was once in my life. I will never stop caring what someone thinks of me. I hate it when someone thinks i'm something im not. I wont understand why i can be happy at times where i should be sad or why im sad when i should be happy.
I wont be able to understand they way i over annalize something or over think something and nor will i stop doing it because its now an instinct and a bad habbit. I wont be able to understand why im scared to take some chances but so willing to take others. Or how im like a bottle and hold so much more inside that i can let out. Or why i want to cry when im extremely happy. I wont understand why i get upset or jealous if someone mentions an others name. I wish i could though.

merry christmas.

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 07:45:30 GMT

why do i care so much?

Wed, 10 Dec 2008 03:46:37 GMT

It sucks letting go some one you love, especially when you know you'll always love them.
It also suck when the person you love doesn't think and does something stupid to piss you off.
I still love Robbie so much, but its time to just try and move on, yea its been a short time.
But i've realized that me and him are to pissed off and angry and heart broken to try again right now.
It hurts, and it sucks really bad but i need to try new things and figure myself out better.
So does he.
I just hope we can still be close no matter what happens =/
Yea i still want Robbie, but its just not right right now, and i really do like Vinny.
If things don't work out, i'm sure me and Robbie can try again a long time from now.
But i can say that i'm becoming happier and less sad, and i like it.
Hopefully things will get even better.
Im glad i can finally admit this to myself.

drunk as a skunk

Sun, 07 Dec 2008 21:14:00 GMT

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:04:15 GMT

woulda been 8 months.

oh well =/

i have to start doing something more productive with my time, to keep my mind off things

Wed, 03 Dec 2008 04:22:13 GMT

I feel like im making so many mistakes with out you here lately.
I think im going back to my old self and iunno what to do.
I was never good as the old me.

I cant beleive i showed up at your house this morning, and we hugged and talked for a few min.
It just makes me miss you more.
I need to completely cut myself off from you.
I want you so bad.
And nothing seems to get my mind off you but for a few moments.

I love you so.

Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:13:50 GMT

I really do miss you a whole lot =/.
This sux, i just wonder what your thinking.
Or if you miss and want me to.

iunno...

</3

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 18:49:25 GMT

I never thought it would really happen.
But it did, and i guess ill just have to move on.
Stay strong.

I know he'll be back eventually.

='(

Sun, 30 Nov 2008 00:29:51 GMT

my heart hurts.
I know that he's hurting to it just doesn't seem like he cares anymore.
Nothings the same.
And nothing will probably ever be the same again.
No matter how much i want things to be like the past.
I guess ill just have to move on soon.
I don't want us to break up i really don't.
I just don't know if i can handle this anymore.
I just cant take going day by day just seeing how hes going to act.
Or if he's going to want to go out and do something with me or actually act like my boyfriend again.
I probably should just listen to everyone else.
But deep down inside i don't want to give him up.
But i might just have to.

=(

</3

Fri, 28 Nov 2008 05:24:37 GMT

I dont want to feel anymore.
Make me numb to the inner core.
You dear sweet drug.
Make me numb so i can't see.
Make me tingle with sensation.
Of not being able to breathe.
Make me heal from the inside out.
Make me relize the things about.
Make me see.
Make me see.
Make me see.
The light right in front of me.
Make me numb so i can't feel the pain inside.
My heart slowing ripping apart.
Make me numb so i can decide.
Before im completely gone.

Blehhhh

.

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 04:03:54 GMT

something still feels wrong.
Inside something doesn't feel right.
my chest still feels like its caving.

wtf is wrong now?

=)

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 23:22:16 GMT

Well i guess things worked out for the best.
I told vinny i just wanted to be friends
and today robbie asked me back out.
Im extremely happy and i want it to work this time because there wont be a next time

.

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 05:56:29 GMT

I can't sleep.
I can't get myself to eat, when im home away from my friends.
I can't focus.
And i feel like shyt.

Why does being in love have to be so hard.
Why do i always make the big fuck up mistakes.
I just want to know the answers to all my questions.
But half the time no one can answer me and if they do i dont want to beleive the answers.

I just want to sleep so bad, but i can't =(

fuck