Our finger prints never fade from the lives we touch

forever my soul.. forver my soul
After all these years. My heart is still broken.

disruptively seductively sexy
I just want to figure you out. You are like a book that leads you to believe the plot in one thing then it gives an ironic twist. Your a hot mess and i love it. What do u want from me? Stop mind fucking the shit out of me please.

For you i'm always here, but for me..your never there
It's nights like these that make me think. I'm trying to reflect on why i feel the way that i do. But its hard, i don't understand me, neither does anyone else. Why am i so hung on someone who doesn't care about me anymore. I was fine, i was doing ok. Till he came back into my life. Now when im around him im always angry, but when im away... I miss him and im wondering if hes safe and alright. My mind in jumbled up in knots and my heart is shattered into pieces. Why can't I move on and be happy, why can't i erase him? It's been a year and a half. Whats wrong with me? I took care of him when he was on drugs, i tried to get him help and he didnt want it. Then i get a phone call from jail to bail him out. So i completely put my life on hold. Bail him out, pay for him for everything, help him get his phone, help him get his car out, listen to him and his drunken rambles about not loving life anymore and not caring, and did what he told me to. And i still get no respect, he still doesnt care. I can only take so much, and ive already broken down a couple times. I'm back to that point in my life where i just want to run my car into a tree full speed and just forget about everything. I wish i could erase every last memory of him from my mind but i can't. I will always love vinny, and i guess i have to accept that. I have to accept we will never trust eachother, we will never get married, i will never have his children, and he will never truley be truly truly happy with me. I guess ill just accept the pain.

Totally fucked it up. But its Ok, I'm fine being alone.

Well once again i've proved myself wrong. But in a good way this time. haha surprise surprise. Took me a year to get over vinny, and i thought id never be able to do it. I always thought there would never be a guy as good as him. I was wrong, and im happy about it. I cant believe im saying this, but i think im back in the game. ( knock on wood) dont wanna jinx it. I met a boy, he really sweet, funny and has his shit together. I can't wait to see where this goes. But im keepin my fingers crossed. :)

breathe me
I am weak minded, and afraid.

Not being able to find an escape, she finally pulled the trigger.

She put him out, like the burnin end of a midnight ciggarette.
Life is short and full of heart ache.
So why do we dwell on the past?
Why do i dwell?
I should be getting past what has happened.
But I remind myself every night of my past.
It not on purpose.
It just a psychological reminder that pops into my head.
Every single night.
No matter what im doing or who im with.
I should throw everything out.
But i dont have the heart to.
I dont have the strength to look through it either.
Ive wanted to but ive always stopped myself.
I cant face the truth.
Cus truth is, i need help.
More then any one knows, more then i let on.
Im sinking deeper and deeper with every day, every minuette.
I'm scared to let people know how i am feeling.
Because i know they wont understand.
No one does or will.
I'm dragging myself down.
And im not stopping myself from doing it.
This is something that will take me years to get over im sure.
I'm more fucked up in the head then i let on.
Im fake.
Probably the fake-st person i know.
I put on that smile and act like im fine and that i love my life.
But i don't, it will never be the same.
Im not the same anymore.
I just cant face it, and i need help.

She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind

One day i will stop breathing.
Then what will you see,
Where will you be?


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